So this is where our story begins, or, should I say, this is where it ends. That’s how it feels sometimes when you think about becoming new parents, because you know it’s no longer going to be just the two of you. Perhaps something changed in the last few years, but, for some reason, it seems like we hear more negatives than positives when it comes to children. My wife and I want children, although getting to this point was met with a bit of hesitancy. It was likely due to the fact that we saw firsthand the life changing effects children could have. We were an aunt and uncle long before the thought of becoming mommy and daddy entered our minds. We saw the lack of sleep our siblings encountered and heard the horror stories. It was enough to make us tap the brakes on the idea of children, that is, until we decided we were ready to have a baby. But, as anyone knows, you never really feel ready. We knew that we would soon have to get used to the idea that the story of us would no longer just be the story of two people, but soon three.
I am going to be honest, nobody tells you how hard having kids is until, well, you announce you are having a baby (more on this in a later blog). We decided not to tell anyone we were going to start trying, because we didn’t want to hear the constant questions. We wanted it to be just between the two of us. For a few months we tried without any results, despite the thought that we would get pregnant immediately. We bought our first pregnancy test truly believing it would come out positive. I waited like a child asking almost daily, “Can we open it and try it now?” This was always met with a, “no it’s too soon” from my wife, Rachel, as I crossed my arms, turned my gaze to the ground and stomped out of the room like a child.
When the time finally came for the first test we were beside ourselves. I grabbed the pee soaked stick and quickly laid it on the sink. The moment had finally arrived! Forget the fact that you are literally staring at a stick of pee, because in the moment you are just waiting to see a little plus sign appear. When the positive sign didn’t appear we just sort of stared at it for a while. We didn’t know what to say. We weren’t really ready to be pregnant yet, but for some reason we were disappointed. I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. I thought, maybe if we give it a couple of minutes longer it will change – it didn’t. I will tell you the truth, we took another test a day later. Of course, it was also negative.
Sometimes I think a guy wants the test to come out positive because, well, we just want to know that our “stuff” is working satisfactorily. A positive test is a true certified seal of approval. This makes us feel more, for lack of a better word, manly. It’s true! All guys out there know what I am talking about. A negative test means that there is a possibility that our grown up parts are not up to par. The thought of it is terrifying. For me, most of all, I didn’t want to disappoint Rachel if there was any chance that I could not provide a child for her – for us. A few months passed, and so did a few negative tests. It turned out to be a little more difficult than we thought. I guess it’s true when they say that a watched pot never boils.
We had come to the conclusion that getting pregnant was not going to happen anytime soon. Thus, we decided to plan a trip to Mexico. We figured we would enjoy the process of trying and we kind of just let go. We had bought a set of three tests and kept them in the bathroom cabinet for when the time came. We didn’t talk a lot about it. I know we thought about it, but neither of us said a word about taking the next test. We started looking forward to our trip, which was three months away. Well, you know what happened the second we stopped “really” trying right?
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