baby daddy

Did I say toof? Shoot, dude, I shoulda said teef.

The day I after I noticed that thing growing out of your gums, it had popped through. The miraculous and painful hunk of porcelain had erupted (as they say) into your mouth, and that sucker is sharp! It’s like a little knife! I’m surprised you haven’t sliced off my finger when I went rooting around in there to see what it must feel like for you. Guess what else I found while was digging around in your mouth – another damn toof! You’ve got two!

And the day after I noticed the second one, the brother to the first, it too had jumped through your gums. And looking there now, you’ve got three! What’s your deal? You in a hurry to get through this whole baby thing? What you don’t have time to enjoy crapping your pants and drinking everything from a bottle? You need a girlfriend? You want a bike? You want a job, I’ll give you a job. How about a mortgage, we sure could use some help there. You name it, I’ll give it to you, but that just means you’re going to have to pull your own weight.

I need to take another look at the ingredients in your baby formula, ‘cause before we know it you’re going to have a moustache and a Camaro.